someone's blog

hello i came accross someone's blog & i realize it very meaningful so i 'kop' it.

You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror.

Herein lies the value of self worth.

The scene of happiness dissolves as we grow older, i realise. Not because happiness exists, that too-hasty profit snatched from approaching loss. But because truly being here is so much, because everything here apparently needs us.


Tattoos are more reliable, they beat the aforementioned.

Now tell me again, who is the first person you think of, when you wake up from a nightmare?

we must treasure what we have, for we cannot foretell what may come.

friends on best terms this minute may just stop talking the next.
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i've stop breathing & thinking , my heart literally died at that minute.

what i want

to those that was involved, really sorry about my screwed up emotions last night & thanks for being there. now i know how many actually cares alot for me & me dont even know how much others actually care. sorry t disappoint you guys.

i really couldnt control my emotions at all, it was really indeed crazy breaking down at such places. i brought everyone's mood down i suppose. everything seems t come at one go & i really dont know how t handle it.

while crying so hard, there was only this thing in mind & finally i know what i really want. im gonna live my normal life back & fight for that thing i want. i try hard t ignore all the negative comments about me but that doesnt mean i totally ignore them. i choose not to tell anyone about it cos i know its really no point but seriously those negative comment beat me down totally, so are you guys happy t see this? YES, im a vunerable person, aint strong like what your think i am. so does making me in this state makes your feel better? if yes your success, congrats!

i want the 2 to continue t be there even thou i disappoint them countless times & yesterday night quarrel really aches my heart. im sorrry guys.

& i want. . . . thankyou for your understanding & spending time to talk things out.

tartsiepoodies

the other day, E* left a sunflower on my table as a surprise to cheer me up. it was indeed a surprise. didnt expected a flower thou (: thankyou.

feeling slightly happier because my supervisor finally lighten our workload! by giving us the easiest task to complete, now im praying hard that we'll be able to finished it on time :/ chinese new year's around the corner, who's in the mood for project? i doubt anyone does.

speaking of chinese new year, other than angbaos & all the new year goodies i cant seem to feel any excitment for it. new year shopping doesnt seem like what it was last year, guess im really growing or rather the burden on my shoulder are pushing me down. ohwell, chinese new year acts as a passport for sinful eating(s). steamboat to pineappletarts ( :D ) to goodies to chocolate to orange pop 'zui' to manyssssss. seeee, fats accumulating :/

anw, i've finally submitted my application to NIE yesterday with the help of freddie, hopefully i'll be able to get in :/ else i really dont know where else to head to anymore. graduating in about 3 weeks time, job hunting gonna start soon. oh man, i seriously do not want to step into the working enviroment but we all dont have a choice.

speaking of it, my favourite girl is also my groupmate (:


thanks for being there when i cried the other time, so loser i know (: love you gina

yesterday was spend with pirateC & star2 (: great companies which made me food & could make me really happy.

& this is how my friend look like when she play


& i superb luv the zapzap thing thou it makes me wanna weewee after using it. flat tum tum here i come!


here's two backdate doodles.

shawty20 that i miss so much (:


& the two gossip girls


we've got to go for our stingray/gossip/dirtytalk session soon. haha, make plans make plans!

not forgetting i miss that limahpui hell load too, stupid ah pui faster ask me out.
fatty you're not forgotten too, study hard & we shall hang out soon (: misses lots!
lim yeehui! you bitch ! HAHAH.

okays lunch time :D

Ps: i know someone is extremly sad, LOW JIA MIN. FASTER MAKE TIME FOR ME LEH ! STOP SPENDING TIME WITH ALVIN NEOOOOOOOO. (: miss you babe.

this is such a random post, but well (:

4th

things have change, we both have moved on. impossible 's prolly the only word i could used to describe us now. i've change but you change more, to a person i dont know anymore. how can we even work things out when things are turning this way, when you dont even bother to put in effort.

the 4th is coming, doubt we'll be able to continue counting years down the road, seeing you, seeing me turning old.

to admit, i have never really let things between us go, 4 years is really long & im totally defeated by you.

xoxo.

trapped, struggling to get out of this place & seek for semtpiternal happiness.

very soon i'll be entering the new phrase of my life but i haven found a perfect plan to it. graduating in 3 weeks time but fyp project's a screwed up piece of shit. i never once felt so lost about project, this one is really a headache. keeping my finger cross that adrain & khalis could help me solve it :/

my life & emotions are turning topsy-turviness, almost everyday i avoid talking to people. i prolly need some alone time to adjust my life back to what it once was. i remembered i was so much happier as compare t what i am now. less hatred for myself & smile more.

i am not in the thinking state now, take care muffins.

// i am sorry.

xoxo;
tartsiepoodies

Worst.

who are the true friends?

tell me the purpose of having friends around, i really dont know who to trust anymore.

i realize it take so much to have a true friend. thanks to those who have always been there

xoxo,

.

you had me running back to you,
times & times i tried running away but i always end up at the same spot.

tell me what should i do about you.

you had me broken to million pieces,
you never once try mending it but unknowingly you mend them up with just 2 words,
" take care "

tell me what should i do about you.

you had me wanting more of you,
when i know i wont be able to have that lil piece of you.

tell me what should i do about you.

you had my heart race 236135654 time faster,
when text of yours arrive, when you're beside me.

tell me what should i do about you.

you had me fool,
with endless lies from you.

tell me what should i do about you.

i am leaving but you came back,
so what should i do.

xoxo,
guilty e

heartbreaker

it was a bad choice to have phuture on Nov'15 2008, aint for the day i'll prolly be a happy gay now -

from the day i knew you to the day you bring my world down within seconds i knew i have to bear with all consequences myself. you made me grew from a childish pure retard to a ever so strong person. couldnt find any other word to describe how i am feeling, its just a whole string of mixed emotions. it feels like a cup of graveyard, literally leaving me burning.

i thought i lost it, but i found it back this morning. it just appear outta no where & seeing it i really didnt know how to react. couldnt deny i felt a lil happy finding it back but it could kill me just taking a second glance at it. which is the real you that i have known? or prehaps i have never once knew a single thing about you, your ever so good at hiding skill got me.

that night had me feeling like a exact total fool infront of you, tell me what should i do about you.

xoxo,
gingergirl

morning madness

i am lucky this morning cause i came into the room just before yarny enter :D i hope luck continue to shine throughout the whole day. anyway , my sweetest star2 is flooding my msn with endless penis(s), short chilli padi looking to long like long bean kind, what a way to start my morning, hahaha but me LIKE.

so pretty & skinny people.



love this outfit, so niceeeeee.



skinny girls are always so pretttttty :D HEH. OH, & i think the topman model is super dduper HOTTTTT, me love me love to max-est.

hugs & kisses,
tartsiefu.

human are all beast

he could build the world in me within minutes,
he too could bring the world down within seconds.



i've been sleeping late recently, resulting in major dark circles, bad sign before chinese new year. actually i'm not really feeling eggcited bout new year other than pineapple tarts :D & ang bao(s) money. prehaps i am growing so i dont look forward to all these festival anymore or maybe because time haven been too good for me.

school's gonna end in less than 4 weeks time, hopefully & i haven done anything about my project :/ both my partner & i are totally clueless about what we should do & what we're suppose to be doing. thanks to the bald teacher of mine, totally f-up. keeping my finger cross that i'll be able to just get a pass.

malaysia on saturday for kevin's 21st, most unique birthday party ever because it 'oversea' . lots of birthday parties to attend this year prolly because most of my friends are all turning 21. twenty-one, how should i celebrate mine? totally clueless about it, futher more i hate entertaining different groups of friends & leaving some unattended. suggest some plans for me.

mr blad's here -.- time to do work.

i was really blind & stupid to have believe in you when other say dont. what a joke

xoxo,
E

way to exit

back from the 'manz' talk , i guess each & everyone is growing up & planning well for their future. hearing them talk about business & getting started, i felt lost beside them. what am i gonna do after grad, even thou i wanna continue to study badly, still, will i be able to it is another thing.

visited the doctor the second time in the evening today, bad news ): i've got to go for a blood & urine test like possibly next week. please pray that i am going to be fine :/

pp's so true that i should have open my eye wider in the first place. why do you have to lie just to protect your own ass at times or rather always? humans are beast as said by star2 & it so true!

PS : hope mummy will give a nod for cheena trip in feb with kay :D

xoxo;
E

xoxo

have you ever miss anyone this much that you find it so hard to fall to sleep & when you eventually does, the person appear in your dream with the most wonderful moments you always want?

i did.

xoxo;
E

Moving Along

a decision to move out from tootsiepoo & start a whole new blogsphere , making this a public one.

well, 2009 haven been treating me nice, showering me with only emo crawlies. often leaving me hanging no where but at the verge of breaking down. i escape from people more these day, to hide in my own world & digest all the problem. drifting from myself, not knowing who i really is anymore. even since the seperation i begin to see a really different person in me. how serious my split personality is & how i much i love myself. guess i need more time to understand myself better now.

i really thank god for still showering me with amazing lovely friends, those who never fails t call & check on how i am copping with life, those who send me extremly sweet texts to make me feel LUV. thankyou poptarts, all these are deeply appreciated !!

i need to start job hunting soon (:

end off with super cute picture of yours truly, heh !



xoxo ;
E